If I was a super hero...

I wish I could read minds. This superhero trait may cause trouble, I know, but it doesn't make me want it less. I really wish I could read minds.

I have an autistic student in my class this year. He's really his own island. For just a few minutes I'd like to know what he's thinking. I'd specifically pick recess, I want to read his mind during recess. Just a few minutes inside this child's head, to see what he's acting out, where his imagination is taking him, as he chants and shouts from atop the slide would make me immensely happy.

I would be selective in my mind reading. This wouldn't be like Mel Gibson in What Women Want when he hears all the thoughts of all women and in turn goes a little crazy. Technically I suppose I'd like to be able to switch this gift on and off.

Or maybe I'd just like to have the gift of persuasion. I could actually talk people into telling me what they think. Perhaps it wouldn't work on children, but if it would work on adults I'd appreciate it. Because when I ask what you're thinking it's because I want to know...

Eat, Pray, Love

I just saw the trailer for the movie adaptation of Elizabeth Gilbert's memoir, Eat, Pray, Love. I couldn't be more excited. This book is one of my absolute favorites. I can read and reread it without growing tired of it. In fact, I've listened to the audio version on my 16 hour Colorado road trip.

Despite major differences in belief-systems, I really admire what Gilbert did. If you haven't read the book, I will try not to completely ruin it for you. I'll only cover topics covered in the lovely Julia Roberts trailer. Gilbert's life is typical. She's married and trying to have a baby. But for some reason there's this emptiness and sadness that she feels. Instead of remaining in her marriage she goes on this adventure of self-discovery. She takes off and spends a four months in Italy, four months in India, and four months in Indonesia. It isn't hard to figure out which country goes with it's corresponding verb in the title. What I admire most is her courage. It takes some major strength to just up and leave the life you're expected to be living to really find what you're meant to do.

This reminds me of a conversation I had with three coworkers on our way back to SA from a float trip on the Guadalupe. We passed the church building I worship at, which I made a point to out to my friends. They asked about the belief system of the church of Christ. As I did my best to explain, our conversation took a turn to what type of Bible classes I attend. I said, "singles" and the girls looked at me as if I was crazy. It's hard to explain how the church of Christ divides the Bible classes up. I stumbled through reasoning for dividing classes up by age and marital status. During this conversations it became pretty evident that there was a significant lacking of my particular age group, marital status combo. Yet another thing that is really hard to explain.

I remember the preacher's daughters from Durango. Two lovely, Christ-like women. I was a teenager when they were in their mid-twenties. Their mother was constantly talking to my mother about the fact that her daughters were not yet married. To a teenager, the tone of voice sounded like one you would use when you found out someone had leprosy. And in my little teenage brain I locked away this tidbit of information, "It is bad to be in your mid-twenties and not be married."

Ummm... Hi, my name is Lacy, I'm 26 and I'm not married.

My river-floatin' friends asked if it bothered me, to worship with people who found marriage to be of such importance. Amazingly, I answered an easy no.

I've kind of lived my own, incredibly tame version of Eat, Pray, Love. Like a good Christian university grad I had a serious boyfriend I followed after college. And that's when my life took an unexpected turn. I mean if you asked a 21 year old me if I would be an unmarried international volunteer at the age of 26 I would laugh at you. God has this way of showing you (or smacking you in the face if need be) that you are not where you need to be. He lays opportunities in front of you that will put you on a path better suited for you. I'm not 100% certain that God made me watch the Oscars in 2008 and feel all sad at the lack of glamour in my life, but I do feel that he provided that Cross Cultural Solutions link instead of anything glamorous. I've already stated that I know God sent me to Cambodia instead of Morocco for a reason. Visiting other countries and helping out has changed my life in so many ways. I am happy with where I am. Most importantly, I am happy with who I am.

The first time I read Eat, Pray, Love after the recommendation from a fellow volunteer in Brazil I felt like I had so much more to do in my life. The big changes were just happening. The second time I read the book was right before I went to training for my trip to Phnom Penh and I felt like I was finding what I was supposed to do. I am supposed to change the world. It's a big order, but I'm working pretty hard at it. The best part is it makes me crazy happy. Like marriage and adorable kiddos have made so many of my friends happy, traveling the globe to make a difference and experiencing different cultures makes me happy.

I am excited to watch this movie. There's no doubt that it will make me smile and remember good times in Salvador and Phnom Penh. Yeah, and I'll probably smile because of James Franco too...

We met in Cambodia! Cambodia!

It's essentially been an entire school year since I've blogged. And that sentence itself should explain what this year has been like. School for the first time in my 5 years of teaching felt like work. Unlike last year, when I was almost always at there early, I found myself dragging out of bed and speeding down 410 to make it to campus by 7:30 am. The year was long. That doesn't do it justice. The year was loooooooong.

A few entries back, when I started this blog I was so optimistic about how the year would turn out. In my mind I would be able to expertly juggle teaching, tutoring, homebound teaching, advisory, yearbook, and student council. I am sad to inform you that I am not super-teacher. I am sorry to have let you down. When I found myself supremely successful in one area another would fall apart. And trust me, people let me know when other areas fell apart. Possibly the only positive thing that came out of this was that my skin was indefinitely thickened.

Ok, so that's not the only positive thing that happened this school year.

This may get lengthy. I can stay up later, I have free time for the first time in ages, and I'm feeling sappy.

Last summer in Cambodia I met people who truly changed and enhanced my life. The girls I went over there with taught me patience, kindness, and helped me strengthen my faith in ways I didn't think possible. The Cambodians I met had a sparkle and a carefree spirit about them that I longed to bottle and bring to the US. Even most of the foreigners I met just had this ease about them. I hoped that I'd keep in touch with all of them. But we all know how great I am at that stuff.

The person I kept in touch with the most was surprising. At least for me. Looking back at how everything unfolded I suppose it makes sense... but in the moment, back in Phnom Penh, I never expected what would happen in the following months to happen. I'm not a stupid girl who believes her life will resemble a romantic comedy...

So I met Juan at the US Embassy on the 4th of July.

It does sound like a grand opening scene for some romantic movie. Put the man in a Marine uniform and add some fireworks. Sounds like a scene made for Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks right? Juan was in uniform, but there were no fireworks.

The thing that I liked about Juan was that he reminded me of home. One girl on our team had already started a countdown to our return to the states. The girls with fiances back at home talked of being homesick and I was afraid it was contagious. But since Juan was from Houston I got this little dose of Texas. We joked about Mexican food. I didn't get homesick.

And I'm not going to lie, spending all my time with 6 other girls made spending some time with an attractive male oh so appealing. But I never thought he'd be the person I'd keep in touch with the most. Sure, I joked about him coming to SA on his leave to ride rollercoasters at Fiesta Texas with me, but that was all in good flirtatious fun.

Then he really came to SA! Only my mind was in fact full of stupid girl thoughts by the time he visited. By the time his constantly rescheduled leave actually rolled around we had exchanged countless text messages and emails. A few of these messages included phrases like "I miss you." These type of exchanges can really mess with a girl's head. Add to that an invitation to the Marine ball, I was an eighth grader in a 26 year old's body. I attempted to avoid all girl stupidity by agreeing to a date with a guy I will refer to as Creeper. I met Creeper on a plane to Lubbock. He seemed like a nice enough guy. He was new to SA and needed friends. At one point I got 5 text messages in 5 minutes from Creeper, none of which I replied to. This guy needed to have a heart to heart with Webster and learn what the word friend really means. I used the borderline text-stalker situation with Creeper to talk to Juan. I'd ask for a guy's point of view. I'd ask him how to gently let the guy down. We'd have little dating conversations. All the while, being the girl that I am, I tried to send signals, read between the lines. You know, continue my eighth grade girl ways. He came to San Antonio almost immediately after his arrival back in the US. (There's a line I should've read between.) I took time off from work to make sure my apartment was clean, my dress was ready, and that I wasn't a giddy girl when he finally arrived.

I'd spent maybe a grand total of two days with this man. I expected awkwardness. (Eighth grade style maybe...) Yet as soon as Juan arrived there was this ease. We talked nonstop as we wandered along the riverwalk. I straightened my hair and applied makeup without my bedroom door being locked. I just felt comfortable. The ball itself was awkward. We literally knew no one and I had no clue about all that crazy Marine birthday stuff they did. But we had fun with each other.

I could go on and on about all the little details from Juan's weekends (yep, plural) in San Antonio. But that's not the point. In the middle of a year that was so rough professionally I had this little light in my personal life. This unexpected someone always listened to my grumbling and complaining. He'd compliment me and reassure me in ways I'd never been complimented or reassured before. He'd call me (in uniform!) in the morning as I got ready for work, just to tell me to have a good day.

Oh, and he did plan this incredible European adventure for me. I was picked up at the Prague airport with gerber daisies, (the man pays attention) chocolates, in a VIP parking place.

When the yearbook was picked apart and those insanely late nights seemed for naught, Juan listened to me whine and complain. When I spent my homebound teaching time holding the nonstop bleeding nose of a very sick little girl, Juan was the one who got the upset, lengthy email. And replied with soothing, kind words. Juan has given me many a calming chat, email, phone call or my personal favorite, Skype date. He is the one incredibly positive thing that's happened this school year. And I guarantee there will be many more sappy, sappy entries. I am starting myself a mental countdown to August... because that's the month he's supposed to be back on the same continent as me. It's amazing, despite being on a completely different continent he's made this crazy year bearable.

And we met in Cambodia! Cambodia!

God works in CRAZY ways.

clouds

Today we made clouds in class. I'll be the first to admit that science isn't ever exactly at the forefront of my mind. The kids love it though. It's a good bribe. I did in fact use the line "If we don't finish our reading plot cubes, we won't be able to get out the matches and do some science." Suddenly my room was full of helpers wanting to light things on fire.

Of course we didn't actually light anything on fire, but we did make a few clouds. It's a simple experiment really. You put some warm water in a large 2 liter bottle and close the lid. Allow some condensation to collect. At this point we talked about water vapor. Then my teacher's pet for the week came, prepared to take the lid off and to swiftly return it when I placed a match inside. The smoke seemingly creates the cloud. However, when you add the water vapor to the smoke/dust mixture, then squeeze the bottle therefore increasing the air pressure... The 'cloud' disappears.

Insert a fourth grade, "whoa!" right here.

Clouds are made of water vapor, a decrease in air pressure, and a mixture of particles from dust and smoke amongst other things. However, every now and again clouds are made up of hurt feelings, grumpiness, sadness, or selfishness.

I feel like I made their own cloud and I've been running from it. One of my greatest pet peeves is negativity, so when someone tries to send their negatively created clouds my direction I run. But you can't really out run a cloud. Sooner or later it catches up to you. Then you get rained on.

The cloud caught me, right after the sunniest of days. I was umbrella-less, so I ended up soaked and angry. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. However, perhaps because of this I think I can get rid of the cloud. I thin, now that I've let the negativity get to me, I can have a good conversation about it and leave it behind. I refuse to let a little rain mess up my parade. ;o)

so you wanna be TOY...

So you want to be teacher of the year, huh? Got a chip on your shoulder because you have yet to get the TOY nomination? As the 2008/2009 Teacher of the Year, let me give you some wonderful advice.

Ask yourself, why do you want Teacher of the Year? Do you want to be Teacher of the Year because you get a snazzy award, board signed certificate, and two seconds on the stage with the prestigious superintendent? Do you want to be Teacher of the Year because you get to vamp up your resume? Do you want to be Teacher of the Year because you get bragging rights?

If you answered yes to any of those questions give up now.

There is no way on God's green earth I deserved Teacher of the Year last year. I did want the bragging rights. (I wanted that man who said I was too young to have a valid opinion to think something of me and my teaching abilities!) I was lazy. I'd had my kids the previous year, I knew them, so I didn't have to work as hard as I should have. My centers weren't what they should've been and I didn't do my guided reading groups as often as I should've. I am pretty sure I didn't work as hard as some other teachers on campus did.

For example:

I think the 2008/2009 Teacher of the Year should have been our math specialist. Anyone who manages to help grade levels achieve 50% commended on TAKS while also coming up with an incredibly enticing theme "Math Rocks" to get the kids about math facts deserves it. Selflessly she made

If not Saenz, Martinez (my PIC) should've been the 2008/2009 Teacher of the Year. I stole Wednesday afternoon tutoring from her. She was always at the school working to make sure every kid was reaching their potential. Selflessly, she'd listen to other teachers, ask for help, and stay crazy late to get her kiddos to where they need to be.

Or Garcia, my teamleader, should've been the 2008/2009 Teacher of the Year. Sure, she was the 2007/2008 TOY, but she deserved it back to back. Even though she was the teamleader, she'd ask the younger teachers for help and advice. She'd listen when we'd suggest new ideas. Most importantly she guided us all effortlessly and selflessly.

There's this commonality between the people who deserve to be Teacher of the Year, they are all selfless. None of the teachers who truly deserved the award were worried about what others thought of them or about losing their free time. The people I think deserved to be Teacher of the Year thought more of kids than of themselves. Whether it meant loving the nearly unlovable student or disciplining the entirely too lovable student they did it. They worked with the impossible with a smile on their faces. They oozed creativity. Seriously, Martinez danced to "Too Legit" while Garcia learned all the moves to "Thriller" if that isn't creative I don't know what is. They took constructive criticism and grew from it. They were selfless.

I appreciate a teacher who realizes that being a teacher is more than being professionally dressed, academically capable, and creatively prepared. I appreciate when a teacher realizes their job is about forgetting their feelings and themselves for 9 months and working like mad for the better-ment of twenty-something children who's lives they will touch everyday.

That's how you get Teacher of the Year. I'm getting my nominations ready now. ;o)

Colossians 3:2, yes!

Oh sweet blog, how I missed you.

So, I can't say the word no.

Last year I was approached by my principal. She asked if I'd be the new advisory facilitator. That's a fancy way of saying the person in charge of making sure the campus implements Character Counts and other relationship building concepts. Simple enough. My answer, yes. Earlier during the 2008/2009 school year a teacher friend and I asked about taking over the yearbook. We thought it could use a little jazzing up. We both thought it'd be easy enough, but didn't realize it also encompassed running student council. My answer to running StuCo with Martinez? Yes.

But it doesn't end there.

Two weeks into the 2009/2010 school year an email was sent around asking if any intermediate teacher would be willing to be a homebound teacher for a 5th grade student. This 5th grade student is sick. At first my heart dropped as I thought that it was one of the 4th graders I'd just taught the previous year. I emailed the vice principal offering to take on the teaching. Honestly, I figured that someone else would've picked up the job already. I was surprised with my VP emailed me back and offered me the position. Go figure, I said yes.

I'm not done yet.

Late in the summer another email circulated around campus about student teachers. I had taken on a student observer (still don't feel experienced enough for an actual student teacher) and it was a terrible experience. I'd never seen someone so unprofessional in their attendance. I honestly never knew if this girl was going to show up and it made planning ridiculously difficult. I was proud of myself, I responded to the student teacher email with a no. Well, a no with a post script that said something along the lines of 'unless you really, really need me.' Thankfully the VP listened and didn't call me into the meeting for student teachers/observers. Nah, she just called and left me a voicemail asking very nicely if I'd reconsider since several people had turned her down. I could've just ignored the bright red voicemail light. But no, I called her back and said... Yes.

I'm busy. Each night there's something to do. Something to plan, someone to call, someone to see. I have a planner people. A planner that I actually use. So you'd think this would give me some great sense of fulfillment, purpose, success. Meh, not today.

This afternoon I left school around five. I just didn't want to be staring at the computer screen of grades anymore. When I left I was bombarded by life. I had left my phone in my nameless car. (Sidenote, car is new! More about her in later posts.) When I got to my car my phone was going crazy. Text messages and voicemails galore. Not normal.

First one, a text message from an incredibly random source. The text message was a terribly sad one, a friend from church had passed away. The man had gone through some tough physical trials, but he was still pretty young. Couple this news with the death of my dad's cousin-in-law about two weeks ago and the fleeting nature of life was brought right to the forefront of my mind. Second one, a voicemail from my homebound student's father. My student was put in the hospital today. The father was so calm and collected. His voice was stable, the voice of a father who'd been to hell and back before. Hospital trips are the norm in this family. He calmly said they probably wouldn't be able to have me teach tomorrow, but he'd call in the morning to let me know.

You don't know what your life is going to be like tomorrow. "You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" (James 4:14) so why waste my time here. But as I stuff my life full of experiences I have to make sure my focus and priorities are straight. Make sure my mind is "set on things above, not on earthly things" (Colossians 3:2, one of my favorite chapters in the Bible) and that my purpose is obvious to others.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in my short 26 years here is that you never know when someone is going to up and leave you. I've made it a point to be completely honest, saying my feelings about friendships and family members as openly as possible. (Girlie feelings... Now that's a whole different story.) I'm not guaranteed a tomorrow, I want to love everyone and everything about today as much as possible. I'm going to be busy!

Maybe my inability to say no isn't such a bad thing afterall!